If you're reading this blog
If you're a fan of my bands
If you met me in Boston
I'm probably your "black friend"
Yes, everyone asks to touch my hair. By the time most people ask they are already touching my hair. I also get "is that your real hair," "your hair is so interesting/different/unique"and "how did you get your hair to do that" as people are reaching for or already touching my hair.
Yes people have told me I'm "pretty for a black girl." I've also been told "I never considered being attracted to you because you're black" and " I didn't know black people could be as pretty as you"
Yes, I've been followed around upscale retail stores by security. The last time this happened was in a store on Newbury street, while I was wearing $500 boots and carrying a $700 leather bag. I guess I was still more threatening than a group of white teenagers with large backpacks that were roaming freely around the store at the same time.
My white friends tell me "oh Rachel, you're not really black"
This is problematic and racist, because it is meant as a compliment. They are saying "it's cool, you're one of us because you like some of the same music as us and don't talk that inner city slang. You're not being loud and obnoxious in public, and you're not selling drugs on the corner so you're more like us than them."
Here are some random race related vignettes from my life:
My (white) ex boyfriend and I used to hang out with one of my (white) female friends. No matter how affectionate we were, people would always assume he was dating my friend. Always.
The first three weeks I lived in Boston...before I knew where Roxbury was, all of the black people i ran into were driving busses, sweeping floors, or begging for money. This was a shock as I had just spent 2 years in Washington DC at Howard University (the king of HBCUs) surrounded by articulate, successful, creative black people. I looked around and thought to myself "where is everybody?"
I teach orchestra in a predominantly white town. I have about 350 students. Currently I have 5 black students (1 high school, 1 middle, 3 elementary). The community probably thinks it's diverse because of its large Asian and Middle eastern populations, but it's not really. Often, my colleagues assume that I work for the METCO program (that's the bus-the-black-kids-from-the-city-to-the-rich-white-suburbs program) because I'm black. They're surprised when I say I teach orchestra. Then they ask if I'm new to the school and i say "no I've been here for 6 years."
I sell fancy shoes to people, mostly older and richer than me. They are almost all white. People don't always ask about my life but when they do they rarely ask where I went to college. This is usually one of the first questions my (white) coworkers get.
People are surprised when I say I went to college. People are surprise when they find out I have a masters degree. People are caught off guard when I can speak with authority about fiscal issues, world news, or anything else on NPR.
I dress nicely all of the time. And mostly it's because I like to look nice, but a small part of it is the weight of representing whatever minority I happen to mean to you (queer, black, left handed, violist, whatever). It's weird knowing that I'm probably the only one like me that you're going to interact with, and I feel like I should leave a good impression.
If you're reading this, you're probably in the same liberal north-eastern bubble that I am, and racism is still your problem. Just like it's my problem. It's not an issue from 50 years ago. It is happening in subtle and tangible ways all around us right now. It is definitely happening to all of your black friends, and probably the rest of your friends too...in fact...you are probably responsible for a little bit of it.
Own it. Talk about it. Change it.
Sincerely,
Your queer, viola playing, left handed, black friend.
#alivewhileblack
