Who am i

i'm not sure yet.
i'm busy, i guess.
i used to keep everything in my life separate, like a tv dinner tray or a craft box filled with sorted buttons. My friends never met, my jobs never crossed, and i spent most of my time driving from one thing to the next–and arriving there ten minutes after i should have.

Lately things have been...messy. Boston is too small to segregate your life. So now i lead several lives, all one on top of the other. Sometimes i wonder what people think i do when i'm not doing whatever it is i'm doing with them. Mostly they dont ask; probably they dont care.

~~
Sometimes, i'm a teacher. They call me Mr. Jayson. It's weird–that's my mother's name, i'm just not that fancy. I teach highschool orchestra. I work with 80-something kids at once. They're great. i conduct, i use my college degrees, i live out the second phase of my life plan (step 1: go to college, step 2:teach music), and almost always, when i walk in to teach on tuesday morning, i laugh to myself and say "if only they knew what i was doing 12 hours ago."

I also teach private piano lessons one morning a week to children who have Autism. Four lessons in a row. Each an hour long. It's hard. It's really hard. I shouldn't have taken this job, but the kids are incredible, so i suck it up.

~~
Often, i work at a shoe store on Newbury street. I'm lucky. I work with some of the best people in Boston. If you don't believe me, stop by sometime. It's nice to be surrounded by people (and a company) that value art and creativity so highly. Still, as i'm lacing someone into a boot, sometimes i'll think about all of my student loans, and wonder if this is why i have a masters degree...

~~
Mostly, i play viola in a couple of rock bands. That's a funny sentence. There will be many band posts in the future. Again, i'm lucky, i'm surrounded by a phenominal amount of originality and talent. Sometimes i think about how i've managed to squeeze myself into the Boston artrock scene, and i wonder how long it will take them to catch on and kick me out.

~~
I run into people i've sold shoes to a lot. I run into people who know me from my bands. Sometimes my students know about shows i've played. Life's just not as separated as it used to be. Boston's too small, and i'm too tired. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, so it goes.

i'm probably an asshole
i'm often late
i don't capitolize the word "i"

i'm bad at relaxing
i'm afraid of being alone
but i'm good at getting dressed in the morning.